The Mugger

So if you’re anything like me–well, you’re a Chaucer-infatuated Trekkie with a bad habit of unnerving people by reading large books about serial killers and getting ‘The Gun Song’ from Assassins (which, by the way, is available as a ringtone) stuck in your head, and I pity you. But more to the point, Dean Seal’s closing comment about being mugged by a bird filled you with a deep and burning curiosity. It is for that reason that I set off on a search for the facts, a perilous quest in which…okay, I sent a follow-up e-mail. Sorry, I’ve been too busy to work on my stories recently; the drama has to seep in somewhere.

Anyhoo, thusly runs our tale: Dean Seal, being a great lover of street food (Random digression: Anybody else read that awesome New Yorker article several months back about street food in other countries? Tell me I’m not the only one who pretty much drooled all over the page) had just purchased a sausage from a street vendor in Battery Park, at the tip of Manhattan. No sooner had he taken a bite from it than a seagull dove from behind, smacked him in the head, and made off with the aforementioned sausage, bun and all. Slightly shell-shocked, our protagonist nevertheless recovered with heroic speed, purchased a replacement, and ate it hurriedly out of sight in the cover of a doorway.

Moral of the Story: Alfred Hitchcock is always right.

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